Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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