I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
