Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
