I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
