so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
