Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
