I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
