Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
