He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
