What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
