I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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