Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
