Soap is not a condiment
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
