i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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