so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
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