Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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