Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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