His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
