i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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