dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
