I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
