drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
