He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This toilet bowl is my home.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
