I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
