Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
