Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
