Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
