I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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