Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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