I am midnight drunk by noon
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
