Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
