My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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