It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
