shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
