so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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