Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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