So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
