Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
