we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
