He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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