ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
