Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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