I accidentally burped into my bong.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
nutella sex= disaster
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
