i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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