We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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