I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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