Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
