i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
did you just send me my own nude
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
