LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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