It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Say something about gay babies.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My bed smells like the plague
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