Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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