Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
