So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
