Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
