You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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