So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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