I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
