Where is the hickey?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize