did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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