i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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