I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize