My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
