What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
