I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
