Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
