Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
