Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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