She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
