I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
